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Christmas has been and gone. You’ve cleaned up, you’re getting your life into some sort of order and then boom, New Year’s plans are right in front of you. From singing a song which you still don’t quite know the words to, to making last minute changes and arrangements, life’s a little complicated in these frantic days.

If you’ve planned your new year’s party at home, you will of course be spending time in and around the heart that is the kitchen. From food to karaoke on the Wii, you’re plans are to kick back and have fun.

Then of course there is the drink section that you need to be concerned with. It is unlikely that if you are reading this piece, you do something called, ‘pre-loading.’ An act so ferocious, as invented by modern man in the early 21st Century the Darwin Awards should render all participants winners. No, if you’re reading this piece you enjoy a drink and not use it as a sport to be the best of the worst incarnation of yourself.

New Year’s celebrations are thus laid with drinking pitfalls, social etiquette and tipple condemnation. Fear not, here is our, if somewhat, slight tongue in cheek analysis of what your Christmas tipple says about you.

Champagne
You aim, only for the best. Dom Perignon would be one of your “dead or alive” imaginary dinner guests whilst, Bollinger is the kind of name you can pronounce without having to worry about a French pronunciation. Your savvy, smart and understand that Champagne is completely different to Prosecco from flavour notes and not just a label. People quietly respect and seek advice from you, but you know that already.

Prosecco
You’re new found friend in the last decade, the antithesis of the French plonk, you don’t care if it was harvested on a field in Veneto or on top of a mine in Yorkshire just as long as you can have your sparkling wine. You enjoy the races and Strictly Come Dancing in equal measure and you’re still unsure how to pronounce the drink; that’s simple, PRO-SEH-CO.

Wine
Be it red, or white, you just don’t care. You want to sit, eat, socialise and have fun. Chardonnay is someone you met on your travels at 18 and Merlot is an acquaintance from the French office of your finance/advertising/teaching facilities. You’re laissez-faire but sophisticated, you’re quick witted but polite. The only tragedy to befall any wine drinking session is to see a carton or a corked bottle.

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Gin & Tonic
You are desperately seeking love on Tinder and yet managing to make a fuss over boiled potato skins mixed with juniper berries. Of course, Gin & Tonic today is a litmus of cool and how hip you are, be sure to be seen drinking this in big glasses, with even bigger ice cubes; you are though polite, even after a few tipples, you can be heard in bars cordially asking people to, ‘pipe down.’

Port
You read too much Dickens as a child and think that Scrooge may have had a point. You enjoy power, even if you’re self employed and no one works for you. You’re the kind of person that thinks loafers are just too comfortable and that large political decisions must be made after a cheeseboard and you’re fifth helping of port, purely as a digestive.

Amaretto on ice
Somehow you came across this drink on a Christmas party in 2005, you’ve not looked back. It is the definition of a night cap, an Italian nightcap that requires no words other than, you’re cool. Take your time with this one, feel the warm, almondy taste keep down that last helping of panettone, and be sure to mispronounce anything French to send you on your way to Italian hegemony.

Bailey’s
You never realised that Bailey’s is now used to calculate shopping price inflation and that you are wasting a perfectly fine whiskey by adding cream and chocolate to the mix. You are considered a ‘monster’ to whiskey purists and your friends only stock this because they know, you drink it. Don’t worry the bottle hasn’t been touched since last year.

We of course aren’t in control of what it is you drink, we just make the best kitchens to drink them in, naturally. We wish you all a successful and safe New Year’s Eve party celebration.

 

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